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Talking to your teenager can feel a lot like walking through a minefield with a blindfold on. One moment, they’re telling you about their new favourite band, the next they’re giving you the death stare because you dared ask how their day was.

Have you ever asked your teen an innocent question like, “How was school?” and received nothing but a grunt or a dramatic eyeroll in return? Don’t panic. 

You’ve just entered the wild and often unpredictable world of adolescence.

So how can you actually talk to your teen without triggering an argument? Let’s unpack a few tips that might just make conversations in your house a little less...contentious. Best of all, these tips are applicable to any conversation you might have with anyone who is a little tense.

Pick your moment

Timing is everything when you want to communicate with a teenager who might not be in the mood. You might be dying to know how your teen’s maths test went, but if they have just walked through the door, flung their bag down and headed straight to their room, it might be a sign to wait a while. Giving someone a moment to decompress is always a good idea. 

Remember, conversations flow more easily in a relaxed space. So, if you have a lot to ask, try it over snacks or a relaxed dinner.

Talk with, not at

Nobody wants to be lectured to. If you come in at full steam with advice or an anecdote that starts with, “When I was your age”, you’ve already lost the battle. Instead, try having a meaningful conversation and really listen to what your teen has to say and what they feel. Even if what they say might sound overdramatic to you, it’s essential to understand that they are sharing what they feel, and it’s important to show that you respect it. This kind of listening builds trust and improves parent-teen communication.

Keep calm and carry on

If your teenager gets moody, defensive or angry, the best thing you can do to de-escalate is to stay calm. If you match their energy or mood, it will usually end up in a shouting match. Instead, take a breath and centre yourself. Also, if you need, postpone the rest of the conversation until you’ve had a moment to calm down. By staying calm, you become the example they can follow. This approach supports your teen’s emotional wellbeing and models effective stress management for families.

Remember, it’s not about winning an argument, it’s about understanding, keeping the conversation on track and finding a solution.

Respect their growing independence

At one point or another, every teen starts pulling away from their parents as they start to discover their independence. This is normal…even healthy. The trick is not to take it personally, even when they suddenly don’t want to hang out with you or tell you everything. If you respect their space and independence, they’ll be more likely to come to you when it really matters.

Talking to your teenager doesn’t have to be a daily battle. By simply staying curious and being understanding, you can find that elusive middle ground that will make communication that much easier.

Need more tools to support your family’s emotional health? As a Bestmed member, you have access to some great Emotional Wellbeing benefits thanks to the Tempo wellness programme. These include podcasts, how-to videos, and invites to our monthly Tempo Wellness Webinars. 

References: 

Ginsburg, K. 2023. 7 Expert Tips for Talking with Teens. In: Center for Parent & Teen Communication. Available [Online]: https://parentandteen.com/keep-teens-talking-learn-to-listen/. 

NHS. 2023. Talking to your teenager. Available [Online]: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents/talk-to-your-teenager/. [Accessed: 2025].

UNICEF. 2025. 11 tips for communicating with your teen: How to approach conversations with empathy and understanding. Available [Online]: https://www.unicef.org/ukraine/en/stories/11-tips-communicating-your-teen. [Accessed: 2025].